The drumstick and the butthole effect
I was telling my friend about this super dumb Jackass skit I saw.
In the skit, two grown men each put a drumstick in their butt and proceeded to have a sword fight.
It just got more disgusting from there and if you would care to know the rest, just let me know and I’ll fill you in, otherwise, I’ll spare you the gruesome details.
Anyhoo, I told my friend about the drumstick in the butthole and she replied -
“An ice cream?”
“No, babe,” I said. “A drumstick.”
“Oooh,” she replied as if she finally could visualise what I was saying. “A chicken leg.”
WTF, was going on in her head?
“No! An. Actual. Drumstick. For playing the drums.”
We both laughed so hard we nearly died. Legit. Could not breathe.
You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this sordid tale, and here it is -
Humans are meaning-making machines.
The brain processes information using a bank of references, such as memories, knowledge, experience, programming etc.
When you receive input, you run it through your ‘processor’, and you make it mean something.
I say drumstick in the butt; she thinks rectally inserted chicken leg.
Case in point.
Imagine now when you experience something that triggers big emotions, let’s say losing your job, getting dumped or a poorly thought out comment from your least favourite family member.
You run that information through your ‘processor’ and make it mean something that makes sense to you.
The thing is, what you make it mean is not necessarily accurate.
It makes sense to you that you lost your job because you suck, not because it’s not a good fit and their loss.
Or you got dumped because you are an undesirable human with horrible flaws, not because it didn’t have longevity as a love match that would make you happy longterm.
Or the comment from your in-laws offering help is simply offering help and not a suggestion that you’re incompetent.
When Tara* came to my office, she explained that her co-workers think she does a bad job and that they don’t have any respect for her.
They kept not showing up to meetings. Tara is a one-woman team in a cast of many and has been working from home since she began in the role six months ago.
Tara made their lack of attendance to meetings mean something that made sense to her.
After working together, she has realised that her work was not visible enough, and they didn’t have a clear understanding of their role in her project because she had not communicated it clearly.
Now, with some support and guidance on how to manage the situation, she feels visible, understood and has the support of her colleagues.
Basically, don’t believe everything you think.
Especially if you’re drawing conclusions about your self that impact your self-esteem.
Simple ways to avoid this -
1. Question your thoughts.
Due to the negative bias, it’s totally normal for your first thought to be negative. I invite you to be curious about that thought and even challenge it, by doing some deeper work into your automatic negative thoughts and switching them into positive emotional thoughts. I have a technique for this if you would like more information.
2. Stop guessing what’s going on in other people’s minds.
If I had a dollar for every time a client tells me they know beyond a shadow of a doubt what other people are thinking I’d be able to retire.
Maybe you can, but probably you can’t.
Stop mind reading and get busy on creating the outcome you desire.
3. Love yourself so fiercely that you assume the best about you.
When you have a really strong foundation of self-esteem and self-love it is easier to have greater resilience and a constant reminder of who you are and what your intentions are.
With these in mind, it’s easier to remember you’re doing your best or what needs to shift so you can.
4. Give less farks about others’ thoughts of you.
What other people think of you is none of your business. Even in a work environment. You just stay focused on your lane and do your glorious thing and let them jog on.
Lastly, if someone challenges you to a butthole drumstick swordfight, just say no.
There are no winners there.
Are you ready to love yourself fiercely and give less farks about others’ opinions of you?
Or maybe you’re ready to step into your full freakin’ power and live the life you’ve been wishing you could create?
If you want support and guidance and a good laugh along the way, join me for one of my programs.
